Struggling

Yesterday was the first time we talked since we broke up. Talked as in texted, but nothing more. I asked for my transfer stuff. It was really hard because I still want us, but our relationship was not healthy. In some ways I felt like you pushed me to that limit again, and again and again, to see if I was willing to come back and fight. That limit was reached but what is someone to do if being pushed down? That person is bound to be sick of what it is going on, and I was there. I asked you please to not to do that, but you just continued to do so. Multiple times, I came back and sucked up my "pride" and "arrogance", I couldn't this time. Things happen for a reason, and something good is bound to happen to both of us. I wasn't angry at that point either, I found it amusing because even if I said not to, you still did anyways. We both got what we deserved, which is ourselves, and nothing.

I can't look at you and be friends while still loving you the way I did. I can't. It's not possible to do so. I want to be friends and not have that single desire to just be with you for the rest of my life, because hurt is the only outcome of that. Hurt, and pain is the game, and I'm not up to playing those games at all. On the other side of things, it seems that good people are surrounding themselves around me. New friends, old friends, and weird freinds. It's really nice. I look forward to that day when we are just friends, and finally can cross each others path once again. I loved you too much, it seems impossible to do that, but I must. I have to.